I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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