Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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