I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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