I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
