why didn't you poke me back
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
