you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
