If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
