I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
