Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
