I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
