Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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