Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
