I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
