Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
