You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
