nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
