who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
