I wish I only lived at night.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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