well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
