Kiss
Puke
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
