my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's like iHOP with fire
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
