i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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