Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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