i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
