I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
