im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
FUCK WHALES
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
