I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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