Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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