okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
