Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
