Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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