Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
