Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
