You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
