If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think my moral compass just broke
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
