Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
