and next time when you feel me up, do it right
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
