Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
