mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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