I smell stomach acid.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
