Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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