i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
