She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
there's paper in my vomit.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
