just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
