So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
