The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
how does that bad decision feel?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
