I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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