I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
