Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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