So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
