Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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